Words matter. Not just what we say, but how we say it. Here are 5 phrases that reinforce beloved identity—and 5 that accidentally undermine it.
Phrases That Build Identity
- 'You belong here.' Security before performance.
- 'I love watching you be you.' Value their existence, not just their output.
- 'Tell me about your day.' (Then listen.) Presence over productivity.
- 'You're brave for trying.' Effort over outcome.
- 'Nothing you do changes how much I love you.' Unconditional love, stated plainly.
Phrases to Avoid
- 'You're so smart/talented!' (Fixed praise creates fragile identity.)
- 'I'm disappointed in you.' (Separates love from acceptance.)
- 'You need to be good.' (Behavior-first messaging.)
- 'Why can't you be more like…' (Comparison kills security.)
- 'Don't cry.' (Dismisses emotions instead of validating them.)
The Simple Swap
When in doubt, lead with love and identity, not behavior and expectation. Your words today become their inner voice tomorrow.