It's one of the most heartbreaking things a parent can hear: 'I'm a bad kid.' How do we respond?
Behavior vs. Identity
First, distinguish between what they did and who they are. This is crucial. 'You made a bad choice' is very different from 'You're a bad person.'
Children often don't have the language to make this distinction, so we have to model it explicitly.
A Script That Works
When your child says 'I'm bad,' try this response:
- Step 1: Validate their feeling. 'It sounds like you feel badly about what happened. I understand that.'
- Step 2: Separate behavior from identity. 'What you did wasn't okay. But that doesn't make YOU bad. You are good because God made you good.'
- Step 3: Affirm their value. 'I love you. That doesn't change when you mess up. We all mess up. That's why we have grace.'
The Long Game
Your child won't believe it after hearing it once. They need to hear it dozens of times, in different contexts, for it to become their internal truth. Keep saying it.